For children with autism, the holidays aren’t always happy. Flashing lights, loud music, and strange aromas assault the senses. Noisy crowds are everywhere. Routines are disrupted. And with end-of-year school breaks, parents often bear a double burden: managing the children 24/7, and trying to plan a “normal” holiday for the rest of the family.
The key rules are:
- Don’t try to do too much or make everything “perfect.”
- Never try to shame a neurodivergent child into going along with the crowd.
- Continue familiar routines where possible.
- Let everyone share ideas and help with the work.
Check the following lists for useful hints.
Setting the Atmosphere
- No matter how much you like a decoration approach, don’t use it in your home if it makes your child uncomfortable. There’s always an alternative that everyone will enjoy.
- Stock your child’s favorite “quiet spot” with sensory-friendly holiday items.
- Make a “sensory toy box” of holiday-themed items. (When January rolls around, put the box away for future holiday seasons.)
- Turn on soft holiday music like “Silent Night.”
- Set your biggest video monitor to play winter scenes with soothing soundtracks.
- When unpacking the ugly Christmas sweaters, remember tactile (and visual) sensitivities. Respect your child’s preferences if they want to stick with a comfortable old sweatshirt, or would rather not be hugged when you’re wearing a “scratchy, flashy” sweater.
At-Home Activities
- Create special holiday routines. For example, let your child choose a game you can play together at a set time each day.
- Start a holiday-themed jigsaw puzzle.
- Let your children make and hang tactile-friendly ornaments.
- Make a holiday collage or other craft project.
- Look up winter-themed yoga exercises you can do as a family.
In the Community/With Friends and Extended Family
- Shop during low-traffic store hours.
- Look for events that advertise “sensory-friendly” options. (Check the details in advance: “sensory-friendly” means different things to different people.)
- If the family wants to attend an event the autistic child isn’t comfortable with, let the child stay home with a sitter or family member (and some favorite activities). If the child wants to go, but is likely to get tired before the rest of the group, bring a designated escort to take them home on request.
- Also, have a designated monitor watch your child at events—especially if “eloping” is a possibility.
- Consider virtual concerts/ballets/church services as less stimulating alternatives to in-person programs.
- For large family gatherings, consider your child’s real needs (not just expenses and expediency). Would your child rather travel long-distance, or stay home and let you host? If traveling, could you avoid airport stress by taking a car/train/bus? Can your child handle staying at a crowded family home 24/7, or should you book a hotel/Airbnb?
- Always encourage your child to bring favorite comfort objects or fidget toys.
Time for a Break
- Weather permitting, take outdoor breaks every day. Go to uncrowded places that nurture peace and quiet.
- Let everybody sleep late one morning a week. Or take a “snuggled together” afternoon nap.
- Schedule quiet family nights to bake treats, read by candlelight, or watch favorite holiday videos. Or for a group prayer/meditation session.
Closing tip: Take care of yourself, too. What all children (including neurotypical ones) want most for Christmas is an attentive, unfrazzled parent.